If so, keep in mind that they are all, to varying degrees, expressions of disdain. Everyone wants to avoid being disrespectful to their partner in marriage. Seven ways to tell if your wife is getting the short end of the stick from you.

1. Interrupting her.

Too often, instead of listening to understand the other person’s perspective, we wait for an opening to interject our own. This sends the message that their opinions and feelings are unimportant and that you just care about yourself. Hear my wife Susan and I talk about the problem of unresponsive spouses in our podcast, Why Spouses Don’t Listen and What You Can Do About It.

2. Correcting her.

It’s simple for one spouse to start seeing the other as an enemy when they and their partner don’t agree on something. Instead of continuing to talk, we interrupt her to point out where she’s going wrong and why. This is an insult. They are being called silly or stupid.

3. Criticizing her.

It’s bad enough to disagree with someone on an issue, but it’s far worse when we take it personally and attack their character. The inquiry “How on earth could you think that?” is more of an implied statement. Consider, too, the common practice of posing a complaint as a rhetorical inquiry. What I mean is, “You’re not really going to wear that tonight, are you?” Constantly critiquing your wife is one of the 4 Communication Habits to Avoid in Your Marriage because it sends the message that you do not accept her as she is.

4. Finishing her sentences.

This could be good on some level. Finishing your wife’s sentences indicates you are listening to her and exhibits that you comprehend and know what she thinks and feels about a subject or circumstance. However,

it can also convey anger, showing that you can’t wait for her to finish talking so that you can take over. This presupposes that she has nothing new to tell you or that she might use your assistance in expressing herself.

5. Making fun of her.

Teasing each other in jest adds flavor and intimacy to a happy marriage, but it may easily turn destructive if done in front of others. One of the Seven Things You Should Stop Doing to Your Spouse in Public is making comments like this.

6. Communicating non-verbal negatives.

The method we say something might be just as important as the words themselves. The words we use and the way we carry ourselves can cause serious harm.

7. Redoing what she has done.

Being constantly put in one’s place is irritating. So the dishwasher isn’t loaded the way you think it should be or the table isn’t set the way you envisioned it. Treating her like a child by going back and doing her work over is frustrating for her. Does it matter if she does things little differently?

None of these seven actions on their own constitute disrespectful treatment of your wife. When such behaviors become routine rather than unusual, that’s when you should start to worry; it may be an indication of underlying problems in your marriage that need to be addressed.

The post Signs You Are Showing Contempt Toward Your Spouse appeared first on Republic Aeon.

What Are Relationship Red Flags?

A “red flag” is a serious warning indicator that must be taken seriously. A red flag is waved to indicate a foul in sports, and in car racing, it indicates that the track is too dangerous for competition to continue. Roadside stop signs are red, and red tape tells us not to go beyond a certain boundary.

As a clinical psychologist who specializes in relationships, Dr. Wendy Walsh, PhD, explains that “red flags are signs that the person probably can’t have a healthy relationship and proceeding down the road together would be emotionally dangerous.”

Keep in mind that red flags in a relationship aren’t always easy to spot. Some of these are blatantly obvious, while others may just hint at a more serious problem. In addition, red flags in a relationship don’t always show up immediately.

Relationship Red Flags vs. Yellow Flags

A red flag is much more serious than a yellow flag, and vice versa. Yellow lights are less severe and instead urge us to slow down, while red flags always indicate a reason to stop or back away from a relationship. When it comes to relationships, a red flag is more universal, while a yellow flag might shift depending on the individual.

Dr. Walsh explains that one “yellow flag” could be a person’s awareness of and effort to address a problem with emotional communication. A red flag could be someone with a history of abuse at home, chronic infidelity, or substance misuse.

Alcoholism & Drug Addiction

Warning signs of alcoholism include “drinking every day” or “drinking to inebriation a few times a week,” says licensed mental health counselor Amber Trueblood. Drug dependency as a means of coping with the ups and downs of daily life is likewise cause for concern.

Addiction is present when one’s use of alcohol or drugs causes problems in one’s personal, professional, or social life.1 Your partner may be addicted if they need drugs or alcohol to get through the day, week, or a particularly trying scenario because they haven’t learned to deal with stress in any other way.

Violent Displays

A red flag is raised when someone displays violent behavior toward you, other people, or animals. It’s an indication that they haven’t learned to control their feelings. This may also be an indication of a lack of compassion.

Mismatched Relationship Goals

According to Dr. Walsh, if you and your partner are working for different goals in a relationship, it may be time to part ways. Despite the fact that this is more of an individual problem to address, it is nonetheless a warning sign for the health of your partnership moving forward.

Persistent Jealousy and Distrust

“Jealousy and distrust are another red flag,” says Trueblood. “Attentiveness at the beginning of a relationship is often a red flag of a very insecure spouse, but there is an underlying control problem beneath all the attention. It’s easy to reframe early displays of clinginess or excessive giving as signs of desperation later on in a relationship

Controlling Nature

A domineering partner is someone who has to work on some serious issues on a personal level. If your spouse is controlling in any way—in terms of who you hang out with, who you talk to, where you go, how much money you spend, what you do online, how your body looks, what you eat, or what you wear—you may want to reevaluate your relationship.

Breadcrumbing

When someone is breadcrumbing, they are dropping hints here and there to keep you interested in the relationship. When you approach this person, they will inevitably retreat. But if you cut off contact, the other person will increase their trail of breadcrumbs once more. A breadcrumber isn’t someone who enjoys or plans to commit.

The post What Are Relationship Red Flags? appeared first on Republic Aeon.

ALSO READ: What is Spirituality?

You may have found yourself on either the victim or the perpetrator side of a dispute and be wondering what to do next. Understanding what goes into a blame cycle, what causes it, and how you may break out of it will help you find healthier ways to interact with others.

Understanding the Blame Cycle

“Self-reflective triggers are generally the first step in the blame game. In other words, “we end up projecting onto our partner the very things we are insecure about,” as sex therapist and SOHOMD co-founder Dr. Edward Ratush explains. As he puts it, this happens “because the qualities we beat ourselves up over are so ingrained and tough to let go of, it’s easy to fall into a similar cycle with our partners.”

If, in times of difficulty, we are quick to point fingers at our partner, we risk damaging their trust in us. Furthermore, since we aren’t coming from a place of pure reason or fact, it renders any discussion of the problem futile. If your partner is afraid of taking the blame for your difficulties, they may avoid discussing them with you. The result can be hurt feelings and the breakdown of the partnership.

Causes of Blame in Relationships

Blame cycles in relationships develop when each partner shifts the emphasis away from themselves. As long as the person who is being blamed refuses to take responsibility for their part in the situation, it may be impossible to find a solution.

Because they are acting out of a place of self-protection after being blamed for whatever has gone wrong, the person receiving the blame is unlikely to behave and communicate as they would prefer.

You can place the blame for whatever problems you’re experiencing squarely on your partner(s): A quarrel about household chores or a failure to meet expectations that were previously discussed are all examples of such situations. There’s no telling what could trigger someone into perpetually blaming someone else for their own misfortune.

Consequences of the Blame Game

It’s easy to see how laying blame at another person’s feet may spiral into a downward spiral for any relationship. We should have a look at what they are.

Poor Communication

A person’s reluctance to engage in conflict increases when they believe they will be blamed for problems that are not their fault. As a result, communication may suffer. A normal, healthy relationship is one in which each partner is able to communicate their feelings and requests for change to the other. You probably won’t do it if you think you’ll get in trouble for wanting things to change.

Emotional Distancing

Being close to someone can be difficult if you feel you can’t be open and talk honestly with them. That could cause one spouse to emotionally withdraw from the relationship. This could be something you do consciously or unconsciously, on a regular basis or sometimes.

Resentment

It’s not surprising that a person would feel resentful in a blamed situation, especially if the practice of blaming was getting in the way of communication. Anger can develop rapidly or slowly, and it often festers over time. It’s frustrating when you can’t express yourself to the person(s) you care about, and it can lead to anger.

Even if you’re good at keeping your feelings of resentment to yourself, they might still surface in ways that aren’t reflective of who you want to be.

Breakup

If the underlying issues aren’t dealt with or fixed, the blame game can destroy a relationship. Long-term relationship success depends on honest, open dialogue, but the blame game can make that difficult to achieve.

It’s possible for one partner to decide they’ve had enough of being blamed for the relationship’s issues, even if communication is still happening on a regular basis. A breakup may occur if efforts are not made to cease the blame game.

How to Navigate Blame Constructively

It may be more productive to assume that your partner is doing their best and to offer feedback that is useful and constructive to the connection rather than detrimental and destructive, rather than assuming the worst and that the other person has done something to purposely harm you.

While there will inevitably be times when someone is at fault, it can be more productive to approach dialogues from a place of curiosity, mindfulness, self-awareness, and collaborative problem-solving rather than blame and shame.

Cultivating Healthy Relationship Patterns

One way to start altering blame-based behaviors is to approach conflicts with an attitude of curiosity, caring, and compassion. You get out of life what you put into it, says Ratush. He argues that a couple’s success will depend on how much they commit to the procedure.

Positivist outcomes can be greatly increased by cultivating self-care, compassion, and empathy. Knowing that our partners are human and making errors too might help us to forgive them and to treat them with kindness and compassion. Recognizing that your partner cares about you and isn’t attempting to cause you harm might be helpful in reducing the urge to automatically place blame.

The post How to Break the Cycle of Blame in Your Relationship appeared first on Republic Aeon.