Aarti
Tell me about a good habit you and your spouse have. Personally, I’m proud of the fact that, despite having five kids between us, my husband and I still manage to find time for sexual intimacy. Please tell me one of your spouse’s worse habits. When my husband says anything hurtful to me, my reaction is to withdraw and put up a barrier. I am making an effort to stop that behavior, and I am constantly seeking out positive routines that I can apply to my marriage.
According to Gretchin Rubin, author of a best-selling book on habits, approximately 40% of our daily actions are habitual, meaning we repeat the same actions without giving them any thought. Changing our habits changes our lives, she says with conviction. Using the same reasoning, we can improve our marital status by altering our behavior patterns. For a joyful marriage, here are four habits.
1. Use terms of endearment.
A tiny bit of fondness here and there in everyday speech can make a big difference. Speaking sweetly to our hubby is a way to express our undying love for him. It’s simple things, but when we ask for anything, we should say “sweetie” or “honey,” and when he provides us encouragement, we should respond with a unique pet name. If you feel like you need to start doing this in your marriage, try saying three kind things to your husband today. (Also, if you want to hear what my spouse likes to hear, go over his blog.)
2. Laugh more.
Of my spouses, I am the most entertaining. I suppose my husband could be described as a bit of a downer, but I’ve always been the more carefree one. After 25 years of marriage, I must confess that he has become more entertaining. … To be fun is to be carefree, to laugh easily with others, and to seek out situations in which we may all laugh and grin. When it comes to our marital antics, my spouse and I are even getting better at laughing at ourselves. In contrast to his “get it done right” attitude, my “get it done with fun” approach is, unsurprisingly, what he calls my personality type. We are making an effort to laugh more at our disagreements rather than allowing them to cause conflict.
3. Steal a kiss.
You don’t need high-octane romance to do this; what matters are the subtle touches you may add to your time together. I used to think my husband was overly possessive, but now I see how his love for me has really strengthened our bond. Holding my hand, bringing me onto his lap, or playful squeezing me are all things he does quickly. If you aren’t already accustomed to showering your husband with affection, try something simple like planting a kiss on his forehead when you meet him after a long day, embracing him without explanation, or snuggling up to him on the couch as you watch TV. An extra perk of being affectionate to your husband? As such, it might serve as a safeguard for your marriage.
4. We time.
How does this manifest in a married couple’s routine? Put down the computer and glance at your husband if he’s chatting with you. Set up a night out once a week. I remember going out with my spouse at least twice a month, even when our kids were tiny. Put these couple dates on your calendar and arrange for a babysitter—whether it’s a local adolescent or a family member—and be consistent if you want to make this a habit in your marriage.
Keep in mind that our habits are the routine, unthinking actions that we do on a daily basis. You must be consistent in order to form a habit. To that end, pick one of the aforementioned routines to stick with. Once you’ve got that one down pat, move on to the next. Also, I’m like to know: how do you two manage to maintain your marriage healthy?
