Aarti
Most of us place a high value on interpersonal relationships, particularly romantic ones. As a matter of fact, forming ties and experiencing intimacy with another person is hardwired into our very DNA. The strength of our feelings for one another is a major factor in determining the longevity of our relationships.
A fantastic, close, and lifelong connection with one’s most significant other is often what comes to mind when people think of their ideal partnerships. How do we go about establishing such a bond? That warm and secure relationship with someone we know will be there for us in the long run? A partnership that encourages us to develop as individuals and provides us room to maneuver with one another?
Knowing the distinction between dependency and codependence is essential.
What Is Interdependence?
Being totally reliant on another person may sound unhealthy and frightening. As children, we are frequently inculcated with the false belief that we should be completely self-sufficient, relying on no one for our emotional well-being.
While a healthy dose of autonomy is essential, too much of it can hinder our capacity for developing close emotional bonds with other people. People who value their independence above all else may find it challenging to develop a deep emotional connection with their partner.
Interdependence Is Not Codependence
The two concepts, interdependence and dependency, are often confused. Codependent people have a propensity to place their own happiness and fulfillment on the shoulders of those around them. In such a relationship, one person’s needs become inextricably entwined with those of their partner, to the point where the individual can no longer identify where they end and their spouse begins.
Some signs you’re in a toxic relationship are when:
- Inadequate or nonexistent limits
- Aiming to make other people happy
- Reactivity
- Conflict-ridden, ineffectual dialogue
- Manipulation
- Inability to form close emotional bonds
- Behavior modification
- Attributing problems to one another Each spouse having low self-esteem
- Having nothing to gain or lose from the connection
There is no room for individuality, development, or independence in a codependent relationship, which is why they are unhealthy. One or both partners in such relationships place an inappropriate amount of emotional and psychological stock in the other and the relationship. When things aren’t working out within a couple, guilt and humiliation can affect either person.
Why Interdependence Is Healthy for a Relationship
Each partner in an interdependent relationship recognizes the importance of the other person in their lives and makes an effort to be there for their partner emotionally and physically.
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Each couple is content with themselves and does not need their partner to validate them. When two people are interdependent, they are able to keep their individual identities while still being able to lean on one another in times of crisis.
Characteristics of an Interdependent Relationship
Several characteristics define a positive, interdependent connection.3 Here are some characteristics of a non-codependent, healthy relationship.
- Positive limits
- Engaged hearing
- Free time for one’s own pursuits
- Expressing oneself clearly
- Admitting one’s faults and making amends
- Making it safe for one another to show weakness
- Interacting and giving and receiving positive feedback
Being friendly and approachable to one another When both people in a relationship feel cared for and appreciated, it transforms into a secure haven where they can rely on one another. Each partner knows that they are not alone in the relationship, that they can securely turn to the other in times of need, and that their spouse will be there for them.
How to Build an Interdependent Relationship
Understanding each other’s identities from the start is crucial when constructing a mutually supportive bond. People often seek out or enter relationships for the sole purpose of avoiding being alone, rather than because of any deep consideration of who they are, what they value, or what they want to gain from the pairing.
By giving yourself time for introspection like this, you can start a new relationship with the self-awareness necessary to build a healthy, mutually dependent bond.
According to licensed psychotherapist Sharon Martin, LCSW, it’s crucial to keep your individuality intact within the context of close relationships. She recommends the following approaches to preserving individuality while coupled:
Being self-aware enough to recognize your preferences and values and confident enough to pursue them
- Hang out with the people you care about
- Carry on in your pursuit of happiness.
- Value what you have.
- Spend time on things that you enjoy.
- Just say “no” if you have to.
- Don’t minimize who you are or hide from the world to fit in.
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The key to having a healthy, interdependent relationship is giving your partner space and opportunities to do the same. If you and your partner start your relationship in this way, you can create an environment where you can safely learn to open yourself to one another in an intimate setting without worrying about losing yourself or being exploited.
