How to Cope When Your Ex Starts Dating Again

It can hurt if your ex has returned to the dating scene and you keep running into them on dating apps. It’s tough to hear from friends that your ex has moved on and is dating again. Sadness is a typical human emotion. Even if you’ve recently started dating, hearing this can sting, and if you’re not dating at the moment, it may make you question whether or not you should.

Take a deep breath because hearing the news may trigger strong feelings. Rejection, rage, and despair are all normal responses. After all, you expected more from the connection that ultimately failed to deliver. As the hours and days pass, it is usual for people to find it difficult to focus on their regular activities and responsibilities in light of the news.

Reasons for and methods of doing so, together with evaluations of readiness for dating and plans for moving forward, are discussed here.

Acknowledge What You Feel

To your mental health, it is preferable to acknowledge and deal with feelings of longing and pain rather than brush them aside and move on. Don’t rush your thoughts and emotions. Problems arise when people try to ignore upsetting information or bury negative emotions. Stress is increased by avoidant coping methods.

Passive avoidance coping methods, such as resignation and withdrawal, were found to have several maladaptive outcomes in a recent scientific study1 that investigated avoidance coping. Stress, anxiety disorders, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) were among the ill effects.

It’s embarrassing for some people when a relationship ends and their spouse moves on. Or perhaps they get angry and start pointing fingers at their ex. It’s better to accept and move past these emotions than to ignore them. Empathy for both yourself and your ex can help you see the situation more clearly, but you should be careful not to ignore your own emotions.

Some people who find out their partners have gone on respond with rage. If this describes you, try to figure out why. Is it because you feel resentment towards the time and money you put into the relationship by giving your ex a loan or helping them buy a car? Do you feel regret or anger at yourself for not having the knowledge you do now? Anger can be more readily expressed and felt than melancholy, which can bury grief.

Concentrating on your thoughts is one method for controlling your anger. Avoid overstating things or thinking the worst case scenario. To not assume that they always get away with it or that you’ll never see that type of money again is to act reasonably under the circumstances. Be aware of your own thoughts and shift your attention from the untrue but enraging to the real and under your control.

Show Yourself Some Compassion

You should be quick and polite if you run into your ex-partner with your new significant other. It’s awkward no matter whose idea it was to end the relationship or get a divorce. Contact with an ex-spouse is linked to emotional pain, according to studies.2 Over a period of five months, the study analysed data from more than a hundred adults who had just split up.

In addition to being upset, you may return home and begin evaluating yourself against the new potential partner. It may lower your sense of self-worth. You may even find yourself finding your ex more attractive after a chance encounter. It’s possible that you’ll come to regret ending the relationship. The word “reconciling” could be suggested.

Keep in mind that you are susceptible and that there are reasons the relationship didn’t work out before you try to restart it. Their abusive actions, such as gaslighting or love bombing, were unacceptable.

Self-compassion and forgiveness are essential tools for effective emotion management. Don’t forget that you’re dealing with fellow human beings. Develop the ability to bounce back from adversity by practising self-control, finding creative solutions to problems, and reaching out for help.

Assess If You’re Ready to Date

various people have various healing processes and times. Be kind to yourself and give yourself time if the split was recent and you’re still feeling down or sad.

Here are some warning signals that you might not be in a good place emotionally to start dating:

Since you’re lonely, dating sounds appealing.

You’re looking for a date because you’re lonely and you’d like to avoid confrontation.

You are trying to make your ex-lover jealous because you want to avoid dealing with your feelings about the breakup by jumping into a new relationship.

You get extremely triggered whenever you look up your ex on social media.

When you go out on dates, you constantly bring up your ex’s bad reputation.

You have idealised or romanticised your ex.

You can’t stop thinking about your breakup.

You’re separating yourself from loved ones and medicating yourself

You’re constantly thinking about and looking at pictures of your ex.

There is no “correct” time to start dating again; you should do it whenever you feel ready. Casual sexual encounters can be beneficial for some people and detrimental for others. It’s crucial to encourage people to be truthful with themselves and others while they work out what’s best for themselves. Suggest revising for:

Ask yourself honestly if you’re ready to meet someone new right now, and if so, what you want to gain from doing so. If you’re looking for a relationship to alleviate feelings of isolation but are emotionally distant, it’s important to be upfront about this fact.

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If you care about your health and happiness, pay attention to your inner voice and stay true to what you know is right. This could mean dating without becoming too invested emotionally, or it could mean waiting until you’re in a better place mentally and emotionally before getting back out there.

There is no “correct” time to get back out there on the dating scene after a breakup; rather, you should wait until it seems natural. Discover what works best for you via experimentation, but be open and honest in your interactions with others and with yourself.

Strategies for Moving Forward

Protect your mental and physical health by avoiding unhealthy coping techniques like binge drinking when your ex starts dating again. Even if your ex is seeing someone else, that doesn’t imply they don’t still miss you or don’t care about the breakup. Your value and worth are not tied to other people or their thoughts, actions, or inactions. It’s something you’re born with.

Here are some tried-and-true methods for overcoming emotional pain backed by science:

Create a basic self-care schedule for yourself.

Therapy by immersion in nature

Establish a regular meditation routine.

Participate in artistic activities (such as painting, writing, and dance)

Get your own life together first.

Join a support group for company and accountability.

Think about seeing a counsellor for help.

Your mental health and daily routine may take a serious hit if you find out your ex is dating again. The emotional and practical toll of a breakup can be substantial. If you need some perspective or just a good hug, talk to someone you know who can help. Endorphins are released during a hug, which are neurotransmitters that make us feel good.

A trained therapist can provide a safe place to talk about your feelings of loss and disappointment after your ex-partner moves on. To help you change your perspective, they may suggest some reframing strategies. A variety of therapeutic modalities, such as psychodynamic therapy, art therapy, brainspotting, compassion-focused therapy, internal family systems (IFS), narrative therapy, cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT), eye movement desensitisation and reprocessing (EMDR), and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), may be useful following a breakup.