Aarti
“The most important thing in the world to a man is to be respected, and the most important thing to a woman is to be loved.” Shaunti Feldhahn, a marriage researcher and expert, reached that conclusion after examining the requirements of modern males. That’s not always easy to understand, especially for women who value love more than being respected by their spouses.
Although it’s wonderful to shower our men with affection, Shaunti warns that “if we don’t also show that we respect them—and maybe criticize them in public or question their decisions all the time—they’re going to feel disrespected, and then they won’t feel loved.” Do you ever give thought to how you may better appreciate your husband? Here are Shaunti’s five requirements for males to feel respected.
1. Respect for His Judgment
For a man to feel secure in his relationship, the woman in his life must trust his judgment and value his expertise, opinion, and decision-making. Many men complain that their wives constantly challenge their authority and expertise. It’s a sensitive topic right now, but it all boils down to them wanting us to give way to them.
A number of guys spoke up, saying that they had a sense of being heard and respected wherever they went, except at home. Some men have said that their coworkers have more faith in their judgment than their wives do. Wives often make the mistake of ordering their husbands around like one of the kids, whereas a man’s coworkers will rarely tell him what to do (they will ask him to collaborate on the choice instead).
2. Respect for His Abilities
Men’s desire and even necessity to solve their own problems arose as another dominant idea. And if they do, it gives them a sense of accomplishment and validates their masculinity. For some reason, the new ring camera’s assembly instructions are entertaining. The catch is that they misinterpret our good intentions to aid them. Similarly to skepticism. Naturally, not all of the focus we give is kind. We just don’t always have faith in our man’s ability to work things out on his own.
3. Respect in Communication
Women have tremendous influence over their husbands and sons by the words they choose to use with them. We have the power to uplift or demolish, inspire or frustrate. The things that get on a man’s nerves are specific. The timing and context of comments about a man’s judgment or competence are just as important as the comments themselves.
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Many of the males I spoke to expressed sentiments similar to, “When my wife says something disrespectful, I often think, ‘I can’t believe she doesn’t know how that makes me feel.'” I had to repeatedly tell these men that their spouses certainly weren’t trying to insult them and simply didn’t realize how their words may hurt.
4. Respect in Public
I’ve had dozens of male friends tell me how hurtful it is when their wives publicly belittle them, doubt their intelligence, or attack their work. Respondent number one, a man, claimed that if he could tell his wife anything, it would be that “at a minimum, she should be supportive of me in public.” This hope was expressed numerous times throughout the poll, making it one of the most prominent overall themes. Men frequently reported that their wives make public comments about them that they take as jokes. I consider them torture.”
5. Respect in Our Assumptions
Men have a right to read into what we say about them, unfortunately, when we make assumptions about them. We assume the worst about the guys we love far more often than we realize when we take a close look at our communication patterns. When it comes to your husband, for instance, how often do you just think he needs a nudge?
We probably won’t take offense if you ask, “Have you done it yet?” several times. The underlying assumption in this question is that the man in question needs reminding, either because he is unable to recall on his own or because he remembers quite well but requires prompting to get the work done. The true message being conveyed is, “I don’t trust you.”
