Aarti
As a sister-in-law and I joke, we question our parenting decisions more than any other! Shoulda, coulda, woulda, folded into major and minor regrets, is a game that never really ends. It would have been more effective for me to assign tasks to my kids when they were younger. When my son asked if he could stay up late tonight, should I have responded yes instead of no? Would another school have been a better fit for my daughter?
The guilt I felt over past decisions as a parent finally broke me. I needed to be easy on myself for the poor choices I’d made, but I also wanted to acknowledge that I had loved my kids well and was doing my best to raise them. I designed this mom’s handbook to help you break the cycle of regret by empowering you to make better decisions and enjoy parenthood more fully. All it takes are these four simple steps.
1. Seek guidance.
When you seek and get advice from someone you trust, it becomes much easier to make wise decisions. Those reliable people in my life are God, my sister, and my smart and trustworthy pals. I keep the broader view and my parenting goals in mind when I pray for guidance. By consulting with those closest to me, I am able to hone my plan of action and get insight from their knowledge and expertise.
To round up my analysis, I consult with respected professionals in the field, such as iMOM author Susan Merrill, Dr. Scott Turansky, and Dr. Meg Meeker.
2. Consider your options.
Even our closest friends might unintentionally lead us astray at times. Perhaps they just can’t understand what it’s like to be in our position. When making decisions as parents, we need to feel at ease on two levels: the moral and the motherly. The general public may be approving of X, Y, or Z activities for children. If it doesn’t align with your family’s values, then it’s not a good choice, even though it’s the standard.
3. Move forward.
After you’ve collected everyone’s thoughts, use what you know to make a choice and then act. In addition, overcome your fear of failing before you make a decision. What if the instructor at my son’s school doesn’t appreciate my volunteering? Or the dread of looking foolish. What if my daughter doesn’t make the first squad after I enroll her in a club soccer program? Neither she nor I will be able to face the other mothers at practice without feeling humiliated.
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When you take action, particularly when you make important decisions, keep in mind that perfection is the enemy of good. Our insistence on always making the best choice can paralyze us and prevent us from ever making a decision.
4. Live and learn.
Both your successful and unsuccessful parenting decisions teach you valuable lessons. Although we can learn more from the excellent ones, we can also get a lot from the terrible ones. Consider alternative courses of action when a decision backfires. Had you already decided what to do before you listened to your friend’s advice? For fear of ridicule or failure, did you go for the safer option, only to realize it was a poor decision?
You already have plenty to feel guilty about as a mom, so there’s no need to dwell on past mistakes; instead, take stock of what you can learn from them and go on. Get ready to make new decisions; you’ll have plenty of chances to do it correctly as a mother, so why not? Put those decisions in the past?
