Aarti
Every parent hopes their child will mature into an independent thinker and doer. Even before kids are born, we start shaping and guiding them. How efficiently we handle their care will determine whether they live or not. And now, after all these years, we still have to let them go into the world with all the tools they need to be successful on their own. From picking out their preschool clothes to picking out their teen car, I made sure my girls had plenty of opportunities to make decisions that were age-appropriate. As long as it didn’t change their lives drastically, it helped them make good decisions. Now that they’re grownups, they’ve done a fantastic job making their own decisions. They are generous with their money, have fulfilling careers, marry wonderful people, and love and serve others. Furthermore, they have complete faith in their decision-making abilities and excel as industry leaders.
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In these precious years before they leave our protective embrace, how can we free ourselves from the burden of managing our children’s lives? To help your youngster learn to make wise decisions, here are two approaches.
1. Let them make mistakes so they can learn through failure while still in our care.
Our own experiences with the foolishness of hastily made decisions have provided us with some of the most formative learning moments. It’s tempting to intervene and repair things so our children don’t have to face the results of their own bad decisions.
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However, these bad decisions serve as a great opportunity for growth. Start as soon as they start walking, helping them figure out how far the couch is from the coffee table.
Do not intervene unless they are in imminent danger. They will learn how to do better the following time after they fall flat on their face. They can learn a lot about progress through failure with money, especially as they get older. While we were youngsters, I’d set aside money each day for our food budget if we were on vacation. I would set aside a certain amount of money for them to spend on meals every day. The importance of setting a dinner budget became clear after a few instances of overspending on unnecessary items earlier in the day. You get a priceless lesson in budgeting by seeing your sister devour a burger and milkshake while you settle for fries and water.
2. Give them options.
Giving them agency over something, no matter how insignificant, will make them feel strong. For example, “Red cup or blue cup?” could be one of these options. “Shall we read a story together before or after you brush your teeth?” “Would you rather take a shower right now or play your game for another ten minutes?”
Your confidence in your child’s capacity to handle oneself and the value of their perspective are both demonstrated by these decision-making opportunities. When my kids were in middle school, I gave them more freedom to choose when they wanted to go to bed. If they behaved well the following day and did well in class, they may sleep in anytime they want. They had a set bedtime each night, but they could choose when they wanted to go to sleep. Initially, it was challenging since I anticipated that they would remain up far beyond their bedtime and arrive at school exhausted. However, after a few instances, they independently realized the need of getting a good night’s sleep. They would soon be sending themselves off to sleep with a positive “Good night, Mom!” The days of arguing with them about when they should go to bed are over.
