Aarti
Like other youngsters, I used to speak my mind without much thought or consideration when I was younger. A female buddy of mine and I began making fun of each other one night while out with a mixed-gender group of pals.
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A competitive and even heated verbal joust ensued. At last, I spoke to her in a way that was regretfully scathing, painful, and embarrassing. Even though what I said was completely irrelevant, I wished I could take it all back the second I said it. I considered the repercussions and gave it some thought before saying it, but that wasn’t the worst part. Getting the victory was more important to me than her at that time. It breaks my heart to think about her sobbing as she ran out of the room.
“At least…”
This is usually an effort to find a superficial silver lining and move on from the current problem fast. It shows a complete absence of empathy by downplaying something she considers essential and by ignoring her sentiments. The subsequent words will further exacerbate the tension and estrangement.
“I don’t care.”
It may do a lot of harm if this one gets out during an argument. The night’s contact will come to a close with this. More fighting has broken out in our home over these three words than over anything else I’ve uttered. Perhaps she needs my advice or my opinion on a decision. Saying “I don’t care” is my way of expressing my lack of opinion. In the end, it’s up to me. The words “I don’t want to do this with you” are what she hears. I could care less about you.
“You’re being ridiculous.”
That may be her. She can be so overwhelmed by her feelings of pain and anger that she is refusing to consider logic or evidence. No matter how precisely you describe it, she will not be able to perceive it right now—especially if you phrase it in this manner. It will only serve to fuel the already insane. Pay attention and validate her emotions. Talk to her about it when she’s cooled down.
“Other people wouldn’t react the way you are.”
You should never hold a woman up to anyone else, especially other women. It brings out her deepest, darkest fears and undermines her worth as a human. It was a pleasure getting to know you, and please don’t ever say that she’s like your mom.
