Aarti
There is no black-and-white method to end a relationship, regardless of its nature. Separations of any kind are unpleasant. All of these things have one thing in common: suffering.
No matter what went down between you and your ex, it’s impossible to know for sure that things would have been easier under any other set of circumstances. But without a doubt, circumstances would be different.
Most people think a split is a breakup, regardless of the circumstances. The opposite is true. While every breakup is painful in its own way, each has its own unique set of circumstances.
The eight most prevalent sorts of breakups, each with their own unique characteristics and effects, will be discussed in this article. And our guide will be Jimny, who has been there and done that.
1. The Default Type Of Breakup (Also Called, The Mutual Breakup)
Jimny’s first girlfriend was named Anna. They hit it off right away in freshman year and epitomise the term “high school sweethearts,” remaining together well into their adult lives.
They shared a mutual interest in the same television series, music, books, and other pastimes. They were destined to be together. What else could you possibly want? Before college ruined everything, their relationships were full of laughter and joy.
Our young couple went their separate ways in college due to their divergent interests, values, and outlooks on life. Jimny turned into a wild party animal with a desire to ride a motorbike around the world. Anna started longing for marriage and motherhood.
It marked the start of the final chapter.
Both Jimny and Anna were aware that they had developed differently over time. Their once bright future started to unravel, layer by layer. Attraction and excitement cooled down first, then tensions rose, and finally resentment engulfed them. Our two lovers decided to end their relationship rather quickly.
Jimny and Anna’s ordeal epitomises the default or mutual breakup, the most typical form of divorce.
When two people meet, they click and immediately feel like old friends. They treat each other with utmost dignity and trust. But as the months dribble by, circumstances shift. Everything they’ve ever known is turned upside down, and they find themselves suddenly on opposite sides.
The first step on the road from love to alienation is usually a simple one: one spouse stops initiating romantic activities like going on dates or having deep conversations with the other. At that time, there is still hope for the situation.
But if nothing changes, the enthusiasm will quickly dissipate, the plans will be abandoned, and routine will take centre stage.
When these things occur, the bond between you and your partner begins to fray, and you have only a matter of days, at most weeks, before the breakup becomes irreversible.
2. The Sudden Breakup (Also Called, The Surprise Breakup)
Jimny saw one of the shining stars of his love life, Nicole, while studying for his yearly college examinations. She had a goddess-like hip-to-shoulder ratio, a stunning face, and worked as an exotic dancer, model, and straight-A student. She was a perfect 10: a bombshell with intellect and humour.
After a few chance encounters, Jimny found himself in a relationship with this woman. And of course he was awed by the celebrity. Although he enjoyed the sensation, his starry-eyed awe altered him permanently. His self-respect and boundary-setting skills eroded, and he became a spineless people-pleaser.
Whenever Nicole needed him, he was right there at her feet, ready to proudly, nimbly, and enthusiastically carry out her every command. Nicole quickly realised that he was not the same confident man she had initially fell for. As a result, she stopped finding him appealing. Eventually, she stopped responding to Jimny’s texts and calls, became more aloof, and dumped him. In fact, by text message.
Another prevalent sort of breakup, the sudden or surprise breakup is characterised by feelings of astonishment and dumbfoundedness and is more common among the young. Most people who go through this type of breakup end up missing their ex.
This form of breakup occurs most frequently when one spouse is too wrapped up in their own, usually strong, interest to see the other’s waning. What it means to think, “I love my partner.” That’s why they obviously adore me.
Underestimate your partner’s attraction level if you want to avoid being needy, overinvested, or dominating and to prevent repeated breakups. If you rate it at a ten on a scale from one to ten, dial it back a notch.
3. The Cheating Breakup
With his heart still broken and head still spinning from the Nicole incident, Jimny starts to long for a new friend. After three weeks of fruitless Tinder searching, he gives up and chooses to go elsewhere for his “special someone.” He decides to delete his dating app and head to the one place he knows where he will have the best chance of meeting attractive and healthy women: a smoke-filled, seedy strip club on the outskirts of his city’s industrial district.
A handsome man in his early thirties named Sebastian is the lucky person Jimny meets after frequenting the pub for a while. There’s instant chemistry after a few beers. Even better, the two men have almost exactly the same aspirations, perspectives, and passions in life. It didn’t take long for them to start making out and develop into seriousHowever, things weren’t always smooth between them. Because Jimny still hasn’t gotten over Nicole, and his dependency issues still reared their ugly heads very frequently. Those tendencies eventually became so cunning and oppressive that Sebastian gave up and accomplished the unthinkable.
He cheated on our hero with not one but two of his exes. After learning this, Jimny ran away. He cut off all contact with Sebastian. The anger he felt was palpable. He felt pain. The thought of dying filled his mind. It stinks when someone betrays your trust.
This style of breakup is almost as common as the standard one. One study found that adultery was a factor in the breakup of one in four marriages. But the question remains, what causes partners to cheat?
There are two main causes for this. Your needy, controlling, jealous, or possessive tendencies were obvious, or you consistently failed to meet your partner’s emotional requirements.
The former makes a spouse feel ignored, while the latter causes them to feel imprisoned. The former makes a person eager for affection from others, while the latter makes them yearn for independence, often at the expense of another person’s genitalia.
To clarify, I’m not saying that. When people feel cornered or ignored, not all of them will resort to cheating. Those that care more about the health of their relationship than they do for themselves will be the first to point out your shortcomings and provide advice. They may end up breaking up with you.
4. The Long-Distance Breakup
Jimny had finished his master’s thesis and graduated. Even better, he had finally amassed enough savings to finance his long-awaited circumnavigational adventure. He knew a beat-up automobile would have to do till he saved up for his ideal motorbike, though.
Jimny’s new girlfriend, Marie, was the highlight of his small vacation, even more so than the unforgettable and colourful parties, scenery, and cultures. He had a five-month relationship with a slim, vivacious French girl before they broke up and he moved back to the United States.
Jimny and Marie both had an inkling that their relationship wouldn’t endure, but they gave it a chance nonetheless. They weren’t particularly heartbroken at the breakup; they were wounded, sure, but not heartbroken.
That’s the typical pattern of a long-distance breakup.
If a couple doesn’t agree on a long-term strategy for making their relationship work, chances are good that one or both of them will end things at some point. These splits hurt less than others on average, but it doesn’t imply they aren’t painful.
5. The First-Time Breakup
I’m going to turn gears here and talk about my own first-hand experience with a breakup rather than focusing on Jimny.
These are the most painful forms of breakups, to begin with. This has been validated by the hundreds of people who have survived a breakup and whom I have spoken with up to this point, including myself. They are also the single largest cause of post-traumatic stress disorder. They have a higher propensity for causing you to act in a messed-up manner than your second, third, or fourth one.
After my first split, I sought out fraudulent “get your ex back” gurus, nearly shot myself in the face, and relentlessly harassed my ex for the next eight months.
Know this if this is your first breakup. You can and will move on from your breakup. It won’t be easy, and you may spend the next few months (or longer) in agony and tears. That time in your life will be the worst. Never lose sight of the fact that, like every other feeling, this one, too, shall pass.
However, despite the obvious negative outcomes, experiencing trauma for the first time, such as a breakup, can also have positive outcomes.
You wouldn’t be reading this, and I wouldn’t be having the time of my life writing it — and making big blog money — if my first girlfriend hadn’t dumped me, if I hadn’t spent a fortune on crappy “get your ex back” courses, and if I hadn’t tried to kill myself so many times.
That’s right, jackass; if my first love hadn’t shattered my heart, none of this heartbreak thing and my life-altering and likely never-ending road of self-improvement and self-discovery would have come to fruition. Even if you can’t see it right now, I have no doubt that you, too, are undergoing a similar metamorphosis.
So, take your time. Eventually, you will get over your ex. Until then, it’s best if you can just accept the turds that are currently being thrown at you and your recent breakup. In fact, count your blessings for every second of your now-defunct relationship, because the pain you’re experiencing is what will ultimately strengthen you.
6. The Angry Breakup
Jimny has a reputation for being mellow and unassuming. These qualities made him appealing to passionate, vivacious, and mildly neurotic individuals. Tiffany, who he met the week after returning from his short trip abroad, was one of the most neurotic of these people.
Jimny recognised only her best qualities during the first few months of their relationship. She had everything he could have ever wanted. After the initial excitement wore off, though, Jimny began to resent his partner. He kept observing Tiffany’s irrational reactions to seemingly insignificant actions, such as leaving his pants on the floor instead of placing them in the laundry basket.
Tiffany was a very obstinate person who couldn’t take criticism well. In spite of Jimny’s best efforts to educate her, she stubbornly refused to learn something she already knew nothing about. She tended to instead throw temper tantrums, quarrel, and talk back.
Eventually, tensions rose to the point that Jimny ended the partnership. It was a fantastic sense of agency. This was the first time in his relationship that Jimny played the role of the dumper. Tiffany, however, was devastated by the news of the breakup.
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The next morning, when Jimny glanced out his window, he found his brand new 4×4 had been severely damaged. He rushed out the door without stopping to wonder what the hell had transpired.
When he got to his car, he broke down in tears while still wearing the pink teddy bear pyjamas his mother had given him for his 20th birthday as a joke. His worst fears were realised. His brand new vehicle had the term “traitor” spray-painted on it, and its windows, side mirrors, tyres, and Italian leather interior had all been broken.
7. The GIGS Breakup
After Jimny had finally forgiven Tiffany and moved on, he learned that throughout their time together, Tiffany had other sexual connections with men, including one with his best buddy. The news hit him like the largest bitchslap in the history of the universe, crushing his delicate, exquisite cheeks. For weeks afterward, he refused to leave his room for fear of what might happen.
Six months later, after Jimny had spent many hours talking about Tiffany and her misdeeds with loved ones and jumping from therapy ward to hospital, he had a strange realisation. To him, Tiffany’s instance of the grass is always greener syndrome seemed extreme.
8. The Avoidant Break… Wait… What?
Our intrepid protagonist is now well into his 30s. He saw the world, started and ran several successful enterprises, and lived it up in the romantic realm of courting. He’s ready to find a wife and have kids now.
One day, he runs into Anna, one of his first serious girlfriends and the person with whom he had the standard breakup, at a flea market. At first sight, their eyes meet, and the dormant butterflies in both of their stomachs suddenly return with full force. In addition, it appears that our two lovebirds have reestablished their compatibility. They’ve reached a point in their lives where they’re ready to settle down and have kids.
Six months later, they are back together. They remain wildly, passionately in love with one another. However, a dark cloud always appears after a bright day and, well, messes things up.
Anna has gotten herself into a series of toxic relationships throughout the years, each more traumatic than the last. And because of the cumulative heartbreak of all her failed relationships, she turned into an avoidant.
A person who avoids intimacy, showing emotion, trusting people, and committing to a single romantic prospect is known as an avoidant. (And clearly, a split with someone who is an avoidant is the avoidant type of breakup.)
Anna wanted a meaningful relationship so much, and she finally found one, but she still couldn’t bring herself to give it her all. Because she frequently experienced feelings of confinement. The stifling feeling that had her trapped was, however, all psychological. At this stage in his life, Jimny was a fully independent, mature, and healthy adult.
