Aarti
Day two of our honeymoon was a tumultuous one for my wife and me since I refused to dance with her. While we were in the beach town, she had a sweet desire to dance with me. Guitars strumming sweetly accompanied the glorious skies as the morning progressed. She married an introverted jerk who was more concerned with what other people thought of her than with her own actions, but my wife had no idea. In my awkwardness about dancing, I managed to annoy my new bride instead of making her happy. As a married couple, this was the first time we had a disagreement.
Disputes arise in every marriage. Disagreement, when managed well, may bring people closer together. But if you want to avoid fighting at all costs, you risk sowing the seeds of animosity, drifting away, and becoming more passive. The first walls appear. My wife didn’t try to avoid arguments throughout our honeymoon, which is a relief. Because of her, we were able to lay a firm groundwork for our marriage. What matters is how you deal with conflicts. Here are three destructive strategies for avoiding marital strife.
1. Stay silent.
In an effort to keep the peace, many husbands choose to remain silent. Some men I know who have been married for a long time don’t say anything. They remain silent when asked for their views. Be strong and independent; don’t be a helpless spouse who lets his wife walk all over him.
Avoiding arguments by being silent just invites miscommunication and, worse, resentment from your partner. Get the ball rolling instead of sitting on your hands. It may be necessary to begin by apologizing and expressing your intention to strengthen your marriage if you have been silent for an extended period. If this describes you, it’s time to lay out a strategy for having that difficult conversation with your wife.
2. Stay separate.
Separation is a common occurrence for married couples. It is not a marriage if the only reason you are together is to avoid each other. Marriage, in my opinion, should be more like a close friendship than a living arrangement. Throw out tomorrow’s trash with the tired cliche about the hubby dozing off on the couch.
It is your duty to seek out your wife, not to remain apart in the hope of rescuing the marriage. Get back together as friends if you’ve been estranged for some time. Your concern for your wife can be conveyed even in the midst of an argument. Rather of arguing only to argue, focus on how your disagreements might strengthen your marriage. If you want to keep the peace in your relationship, you need to know how to deal with arguments. You should start tackling your conflicts directly when you start acting separately. The point isn’t to hide away and pretend everything is fine; rather, it’s to overcome difficulties as a team and emerge stronger than before.
3. Hide stuff.
Confession is better than concealing. Have you made a decision on your finances? Is it an unhealthy bond between coworkers? Tell the truth. A buddy of mine told me the truth about his affair, which he had kept secret from his wife for a long time. During a one-on-one meal, he began to spill the beans about his family. My acquaintance instead of being forthright from the start chose to keep a thousand little things hidden from his wife. The marriage is going in the wrong direction if either partner feels the need to hide anything, even the slightest communication. To avoid conflict, it’s not enough to just cease hiding things. Tell the truth about your actions and promise to do the same going forward.
