Aarti
The pediatrician Rory was well-liked by all. Lisa seldom saw him, despite the fact that he was shy yet affable, funny, and charming. Due to his infrequent usage of the back door, Rory was unaware of its location and the name of the family dog. Dr. John Gottman interviewed this couple as part of his study on marriage.
Dr. John Gottman has a 91% success rate in predicting if a marriage will divorce. Ever since 1972, Gottman has been delving into the mysteries of happy marriages. I can’t even begin to fathom how lengthy that is. He has discovered seven rules that, when adhered to, ensure that you will remain infatuated and enjoy a prosperous marriage.
1. Make your emotional love map stronger.
An emotional love map is a description of all the things you know about your spouse according to Gottman. This includes their inner and outside world, their dreams, their day, the coworker that is bothering them at work, the most traumatic event that has happened to them, and so on. Plus, you maintain revising it as they develop and evolve. How can one love another if they aren’t familiar with who they are?
2. Cultivate fondness and admiration for one another.
The bedrock of a solid relationship is affection and respect. It has been difficult for us to feel affection for one another at times due to the pressures of life and marriage. In order to rediscover the sentiments that first sparked your romance, Gottman recommends recalling the beginning of your relationship and the events leading up to your first meeting. Even though we were only three hours apart growing up in the same state, my husband and I still adore telling the tale of how we met in Africa. Recounting our love tale usually leaves us feeling even more smitten.
3. Turn toward one another instead of away.
It is easy to harm your spouse when you live with them and share so much. It is crucial to acknowledge and appreciate our partner’s desire for closeness, even when we make “repair” attempts to mend anything or when nothing is wrong, but simply to be near. Instead of running away, face them.
4. Let your partner influence you.
Just how much sway does your lover have over you? Just how much sway does your partner give you? An important life skill is learning to compromise and yield.
ALSO READ: Secrets of a Happy Marriage
My husband and I were just helping a friend move some furniture in their truck. I provided my spouse with some useful feedback regarding the specifics and organization of the upcoming hours. Then my companion looked over at me and exclaimed, “Wow, he actually listens to your input.” Evidently, her spouse paid her no mind.
5. Solve problems well.
Stop dwelling on the intractable issues that have plagued your relationship and start working on the ones that can be resolved. To achieve this goal, try softening your tone when you begin a conversation rather than being abrupt; be aware when you or your spouse need a break from the talk because it’s getting too much; learn to compromise; and accept each other’s weaknesses.
6. Honor each other’s desires and dreams.
One of the purposes of marriage is to support each other in achieving their aspirations. At the heart of every disagreement lies a hidden desire that must be discovered and fulfilled by those involved. While trying to break through a stuck problem, this usually works. Differing degrees of ease in articulating feelings, for instance, can constitute a stalemate. She sees this as valuable because it contributes to who she is and the purpose she lives her life for. Feelings are a sign of weakness, in his view. They can show respect for one another and be adaptable by realizing that their partner can’t change a fundamental aspect of their character.
