Aarti
My child was assembling his LEGO set when he groaned in frustration. “What’s the matter, bud?” As I sat down next to him, I inquired. He sighed and said, “I’m so foolish. I totally screwed this up. In a snap, I set him straight, stating, “You’re not stupid. I find that hard to believe. You just did something wrong. He returned to assembling the LEGO set, but I was still at a loss for words. My question is why my son would speak so poorly of himself. From whom did he learn to speak so harshly to himself? Then I realized. It was something I taught him.
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Our sons look up to us as role models, whether we like it or not. You can try to teach him everything you choose, but the truth is that he will learn far more from your actions than from your words. It is essential that you demonstrate the actions you hope to instill in your son. Here are 5 lessons your son learns from observing you.
1. How to Treat Women
If you mistreat your wife, your son will learn to do the same. How do you approach her: as a subordinate or as an equal? Do you serve her quickly, or does she have to wait on you? Do you treat her with dignity and respect, or do you gossip about her behind her back and talk down to her in front of her? Even when you don’t think he is, your son is observing your every move. Take care of women the way you’d like him to treat women.
2. How to Handle Adversity
How do you respond to difficulty? When things go wrong, how do you react? Have you given up? Do you turn to drink or video games or food to feel better? Do you have a habit of finding scapegoats and moaning about how unfair life is? Or do you learn to accept life as it comes? Do you try to find advantages even when facing disadvantages? Have you got the humility to ask for assistance? No one is flawless, and it’s fine for your youngster to watch you make mistakes. But your son will see you regardless of what you do. And you have to do what you want your son to do.
3. How to Deal With Anger
Men rarely have a “do as I say, not as I do” mentality as prevalently as they do when they’re angry. We warn our children not to use foul language, but when we’re angry, that’s exactly what we do. We yell and scream at them to keep their emotions in check while telling them to do the same. You surely don’t allow your children to belittle others by calling them names, but do you sometimes resort to such behavior yourself, perhaps behind their backs? Mastering the art of self-control is arduous but essential work. Keep in mind that children are watching you, and act in the ways you hope to instill in them.
4. How to Love Others
Talk about how your son sees you treating the homeless and the needy. In fact, does he ever? What do you do about the annoying neighbor? In what ways does your son see you interact with him? Do you look for opportunities to serve others, especially when times are difficult? Or do you tend to keep to yourself and do what you have to in order to provide for your loved ones? The ability to love one’s neighbor is one of the greatest legacies you can leave your son.
5. How to Treat Himself
When it comes to treating others kindly, how about treating yourself? What occurs when we model damaging self-talk is perfectly illustrated by the anecdote I shared about my son.
In fact, it seems that others are considerably more prone to observe and copy our poor habits than our good ones, for whatever reason. Sadly, many of us fail to do the work necessary to heal our own fears, ego wounds, and poor decisions, and so we pass these things on to our boys. Perhaps you have no interest in your own welfare. But if you truly love your son, at least take care of yourself.
