Aarti
Few things are as nerve-wracking as a first date, what with all the pressure and expectation that comes along with it. We all get nervous before a date, and it’s natural to worry about making a fool of yourself or having an uncomfortable conversation.
According to certified professional counselor Bonnie Scott, LPC: “We are selling the best version of ourselves while trying to balance authenticity, while eating, playing mini golf, or shouting over loud music.” We want to appear hip and clever, come across as a solid potential business partner, and establish genuine relationships.
As expectations rise and fears of saying the wrong thing and putting someone off multiply, it might feel like a lot is riding on the date. If you want to know if this relationship has any chance of lasting, it’s best to be honest and open with one another. Making pleasant conversation and avoiding potentially awkward situations is essential along the road.
Off-the-Cuff or Judgmental Comments
Having a filter and not uttering the first thing that comes to mind is an excellent habit to adopt while interacting with other people.
In the context of a first date, this is very important. Don’t pass judgment on someone based on what they’re wearing, what they’re ordering, how they appear, what they do for a living, or where they came from. It may seem obvious, but people don’t always appreciate a good joke or jokes before they get to know you.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-1855008901-58d018345f9b581d72c41867.jpg)
On a first date, you may see if the two of you click and if you have any interests or values. Don’t be rude on the date if you don’t want to go on another one. (But if they want to schedule another date, it’s polite to say thanks for the one you had and explain why it wasn’t a good fit.)
Overly Gushing About Your Date
A sincere praise is an excellent icebreaker. Spending too much time “love bombing” your date with compliments, gushing, and the like can make you seem insincere.
“While one can feel connected and excited about a potential match, it is important to remember that it takes time to get to know someone,” says Susan Trotter, PhD, relationship expert and coach. Someone is way too forward with their feelings if they are overly complimentary or if they bring up meeting friends and relatives, stating they love you, organizing a trip, etc. on a first date.
Bad Mouthing Your Exes
It’s normal to bring up previous relationships on a first date, and you should do so in order to better understand each other’s backgrounds, experiences, and aspirations.
Speaking ill about your ex is not only in terrible taste, but it may also be an indication that you haven’t accepted responsibility for your part in the relationship’s downfall.
According to licensed clinical social worker Christina Granahan, LCSW, “generally, blaming others communicates that you aren’t introspective, don’t take responsibility, and live in the land of absolutes.” “The proportion of blame is almost never 100 to 0.
Delving Into Your Sexual History
Even if you feel completely at ease talking about your sex life, your date might not be as eager to hear about your prior experiences or share their own.
Relationship-ruining “sex talk” or “talking about your sexual history” is something you should avoid, according to Dr. Trotter. “Sex is very private and bringing it up on a first date is a warning sign for most people.”
Talk about how essential physical contact is to you and see where the conversation goes from there. Check for your date’s comfort level before broaching a sensitive subject.
Focusing Only on Yourself
Your date is interested in learning more about you, but you should be just as curious about them. When you ask each other questions, the conversation flows more easily and you learn more about one another.
“Take an interest in the stranger in front of you. In addition, Granahan suggests providing “space for them to ask you what they are curious about.” “Let there be some silence and ask more questions than you volunteer so that you can both get a feel for that.”
Highlighting Your Insecurities Too Much
Self-deprecating humor is a great way to demonstrate that you are not arrogant or self-absorbed. In fact, some research suggests that it can help you come across as more likable.1 Too much self-reflection, though, can lead to a downward spiral of self-loathing.
If you want to make a good impression on a first date, it’s smart to put your best foot forward by exuding confidence.
Detailing Personal Past Traumas
It’s fine to talk about serious topics on a first date, but most people find it more relaxing to keep things light. Building trust and closeness is a process that takes time and can include talking about traumatic events. However, if you try to rush things and completely overwhelm this new person, you may end up ruining the mood and flow of your date.
“Trauma dumping” is used to “create quick intimacy,” as Scott puts it. They go into excruciating detail about a traumatic experience, either because they haven’t dealt with it professionally or because they’ve learned that talking about it is a quick way to get what they want.
Final Thoughts
Don’t worry if you feel nervous or anxious before a first date because it’s normal to feel this way. While it’s wise to avoid some topics, being genuine and making an effort to connect with the other person are what really matter.
ALSO READ: Rice market shows strain after India’s six-week campaign of curbs
Remember that the person you’re going out with has agreed to see you because they find you intriguing, as Scott advises. They’re eager to participate and optimistic about the results of this meeting.
