Aarti
The earliest roots of mindfulness can be traced back to 2300 BC to 1500 BC in the Eastern ideologies and practises of Buddhism and Hinduism. Western therapists have embraced the practise of mindfulness as a means of assisting with a wide range of problems, from anxiety to eating disorders.
What Is Mindful Dating?
Mindfulness in dating is an intentional and proactive method of pursuing romantic relationships. That means:
- Knowing who you are and what you want can help you find success.
- Establishing limits and training oneself to tolerate painful emotions and rejection
- Communicating openly and compassionately about one’s emotions, thoughts, and needs
How to Date Mindfully
What, then, can you do to start dating more mindfully? There are many methods that can help you become more present during dating.
Set a Goal
What do you hope to gain from going on dates? You’ll be more self-aware and proactive in your dating life if you have a clear idea of what you want.
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Some dating apps are geared towards more casual users, who you may want to avoid if you’re searching for a serious commitment. Also, if you’re looking for a casual relationship, it’s not a good idea to go out with someone whose top priority is starting a family right away.
Curate Prospects
Think carefully about where you look for a potential romantic partner. Curate your prospects on the basis of how well they connect with your values and goals, rather than blindly searching everywhere and accepting anything that comes your way.
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The best way to get to know someone is through mutual friends because you already know something about them. If you’ve tried the traditional areas to meet potential partners without success, it may be time to broaden your horizons and look for love elsewhere.
Use Technology
The modern dater would be foolish not to use some form of electronic communication. There are a number of approaches that aim to teach you how to be more present during dating.
Sites like eHarmony, which employ in-depth questionnaires to find compatible partners, are only one example. Sapio, a less well-known dating service, shows you a potential partner’s responses to open-ended questions to help you find a fit.
Be a Good Listener
How often do you find yourself talking on a date and realising your date isn’t listening to a word you’re saying? Dates are a great opportunity to work on your listening skills. Both you and your date will benefit from your heightened awareness in this way.
You’ll show your date how much you value and appreciate them. By doing so, you can learn more about whether or not the two of you are compatible. Make sure you understand everything, ask for clarification if you don’t, and keep yourself from getting sidetracked (by your phone or anything else).
Set Boundaries
Setting limits for yourself is an important part of dating mindfully. Without them, you have no basis for determining whether or not a person is a good fit for you.
Equally important is being deliberate about the limits you establish for yourself. Not getting too emotionally or physically involved to someone before you’ve gotten to know them well enough to judge if they’re a match is a healthy limit to set.
Obstacles to Mindful Dating
As you practise mindful dating, there are also a few pitfalls to avoid. If you recognise yourself in any of the following, give some thought to how you may change your viewpoint and approach the situation with more mindfulness the next time it arises.
Negativity
Keep in mind not only how you feel throughout a date, but also how your date may feel during the time they spend with you. It’s easy to fall into negative thinking and negativity bias if you’re feeling worn out or haven’t had much luck in the dating scene for a long.
Complaining
Pay attention to how often you and your date grumble about outside factors. Think about the impact of your observations and how you’re expressing them. Where are you right now, and is that where you want to stay? For instance, when you’re with someone, do you try to be fully present and genuinely interested in them, or do you find yourself whining about an ex instead?
Taking Rejection Personally
You can’t avoid it. On certain dates, the other person might not respond or might not want to see you again. Mindfulness in response to rejection allows you to feel the hurt and disappointment without making it about you or your flaws. Not everyone is going to click with you or like you, and that’s okay. Feelings pass with time if you give yourself permission to feel them without resisting or trying to change them.
Moving On Without Reflecting
It’s easy to go on a date and not give any thought to what went well or poorly. Just think about things for a while. After a date, it can be useful to ask yourself the following questions (and maybe even write down your thoughts in a journal):
- Were your priorities straight and your heart open on the date?
- How did you convey your message, and how did it land?
- How did you feel about the information shared and the manner in which it was shared?
- Is there anything you’ve seen that might serve as a trigger?
- Have limits been established, and if so, have they been respected?
- Did you pay close attention and hear what was being said?
- Did you get a sense of familiarity and curiosity?
- Did the other person pay attention to you and treat you with dignity?
