Aarti
You’ve undoubtedly asked your pals, “why is dating so hard?” at least a few times in your life if you’ve ever done any dating and you didn’t meet your partner in high school. You may have even been so frustrated that you actively sought out this article in your search for the answer.
If you feel this way, know that you are shared by many. Nearly half of all Americans agree with the statement that dating is more difficult than it was ten years ago.1 Physical and mental dangers have increased, social interaction is more challenging, and society norms have shifted, to name a few causes.
Dating can make even the most secure person feel anxious and exposed. You put yourself out there in a lot of ways: wondering if the other person feels the same way about you, worrying about being too vulnerable, possibly thinking about your physique, and wondering if there is sexual chemistry.
Why Is Dating So Hard?
One psychologist we spoke to agreed that dating should be challenging, but acknowledged that there are several factors at play. Technology has simplified some aspects of dating but complicated others.
The Paradox of Choice
You’re not incorrect if you think dating is more challenging now than it was for your parents’ age or even just ten or fifteen years ago, thanks to the rise of dating apps and the proliferation of social media that allows us to connect with more people than we could otherwise meet in person.
To a certain extent, dating should be challenging. Finding the right balance between openness and closedness requires considerable consideration.
Societal Expectations
As a result, many girls and women were taught that they “needed” a male to provide for them, a lesson they might have repeated at home if their parents were conservative.
Even though they know intellectually that they don’t need to be “saved” by a guy, some of the most intelligent women may still believe that they must be “picked” by a man rather than realizing that the most important factor is compatibility.
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Since this is shifting, it can be difficult for people to find common ground in their romantic relationships, since partners may hold vastly different opinions on what gender roles should be, or if they should exist at all.
Dating Apps
“Apps, on one level, make it harder to sort through,” explains Carmichael. “However, it facilitates the discovery of a more extensive group of people than you might otherwise be exposed to—and establishes from the outset that you are single and ready to date,”
Safety
People, especially women, may be more concerned about their safety now than they ever have been. New dangers, such as being catfished, receiving unsolicited graphic images, or having your own intimate photos shared without your permission, have emerged alongside the popularity of online dating and the advancement of technology more generally.
Social Media
In addition, social media provides us with an unrealized sense of insight into other people’s intimate lives. Illusion, because most individuals aren’t sharing the details of the major argument they had last night or the challenging aspects of working through difficulties in a relationship.
What to Do About Dating Being So Hard
Dating is difficult; nonetheless, you shouldn’t give up hope. Finding a life partner might be difficult, but there are methods to cope and even enjoy the process.
Keep a Log
Many people find dating challenging because they fear losing their independence. It might feel like an enormous mental challenge, to the point where you start to question whether or not your own perceptions are faulty. Do you really miss your date as much as you say you do, or are you just lonely?
Carmichael provides advice on coping with the ups and downs of life. She proposes, among other things, keeping a dating record (not unlike a mental health journal). She recommends keeping a simple journal in which you record brief descriptions of each date. Each participant receives a separate paper on which to record activities, physical contact, date plans, and the question of “who asked for what.”
Hedge Your Bets
People often hurry into partnerships because they can’t stand the feeling of limbo or uncertainty. Carmichael advises those seeking monogamy to “not become exclusive by default;” rather, they should “only become exclusive after you’ve had a conversation [with your partner] on why you both want to become exclusive.”
