Aarti
Few things are as nerve-wracking as a first date, what with all the pressure and expectation that comes along with it. Everybody gets nervous before a date, and it’s natural to worry about making a fool of yourself or having an uncomfortable conversation.
While we eat, play mini golf, or yell over loud music, “we are selling the best version of ourselves while trying to balance authenticity,” explains certified professional counselor Bonnie Scott, LPC. “We’re going for a hip, witty, and trustworthy vibe in an effort to make real connections.”
Off-the-Cuff or Judgmental Comments
It goes without saying that while interacting with other people, it’s preferable to try to control what you say instead than just uttering whatever comes to mind.
This is especially important on a first date, when you are trying to make a good impression. Don’t pass judgment on what they’re wearing or what they’re ordering or make flip derogatory comments about their appearance, occupation, or background. It may seem simple, but people don’t always appreciate a good joke or jokes before they get to know you.
On a first date, you may see if the two of you click and if you have any interests or values. If you don’t, then just be polite on the date and don’t set up any more. (But if they want to schedule another date, it’s polite to say thanks for the one you had and explain why it didn’t work out.)
Overly Gushing About Your Date
A sincere praise is an excellent icebreaker. Spending too much time “love bombing” your date with compliments, gushing, and the like can start to appear insincere.
“While one can feel connected and excited about a potential match, it is important to remember that it takes time to get to know someone,” says Susan Trotter, PhD, relationship expert and coach. “It is way too much, too soon, if on a first date someone is being excessively complimentary or talking already about meeting friends and family, saying they love you, planning a trip, etc.”
Bad Mouthing Your Exes
It’s normal to bring up previous relationships on a first date, and doing so can help you better understand one other’s backgrounds, experiences, and aspirations.
However, it’s in terrible taste to speak ill of your ex, and it may also show that you haven’t accepted responsibility for the breakup.
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Generally speaking, “blaming others communicates that you aren’t introspective, don’t take responsibility, and live in the land of absolutes,” as certified clinical social worker Christina Granahan, LCSW puts it. That “blame rarely comes in a 100 to 0 ratio.”
Delving Into Your Sexual History
Even if you feel completely at ease talking about your sex life, your date might not be as eager to hear about your prior experiences or share their own.
Relationship-ruining “sex talk” or “talking about your sexual history” is something you should avoid, according to Dr. Trotter. “Sex is very private and bringing it up on a first date is a warning sign for most people.”
Mentioning your desire for physical closeness in a relationship is a great starting point for any kind of dialogue about the topic. If your date seems uneasy with the subject, it’s best not to force the issue.
Focusing Only on Yourself
Your date is interested in learning more about you, but you should be just as curious about them. When you ask each other questions, the conversation flows more easily and you learn more about one another.
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Try to learn as much as you can about the stranger in front of you. In addition, Granahan suggests p roviding “space for them to ask you what they are curious about.” “Let there be some silence and ask more questions than you volunteer so that you can both get a feel for that.”
Final Thoughts
It’s normal to feel nervous or anxious before a first date because they might be challenging situations. It’s wise to avoid certain topics, but being genuine and making an effort to connect with the other person are far more vital.
Remember that the person you’re going out with has agreed to see you because they find you intriguing, as Scott advises. “They’re eager to participate, and they’re energized by the prospect of interacting with you.”
However, rather than offering inflexible guidance, our list of topics to avoid on a first date is meant as a helpful guide. Don’t force things, play it cool, and enjoy yourself if you’re on a first date.
