Aarti
My wife and I were playing in my son’s room when I noticed some peculiar dimples in the wall. I called a plumber because I was worried there was a leak. He assured me there was no water seepage, but drywall was being eaten away by underground termites. It might look OK for a while if I filled in the dimples and painted over them without hiring an exterminator, but I would be wasting my time. Underneath the surface was where the real trouble was. The wall needed to be opened and the intruders eliminated before the exterior could be reconstructed. For us, it’s the same.
Instead of addressing the underlying causes, we opt to work on changing people’s behavior. One of my most respected teachers once told me that “the heart is our core, the place where our will, thoughts, and feelings all converge.” The things that affect our hearts shape us like a ball of Play-Doh in a mold. Just what kind of person are you evolving into? You need to start facing and understanding your heart if you want to develop into a man of character, integrity, and strength. The kind of person you end up being can be gleaned from how you respond to the next two questions.
What do you love the most?
You are becoming more like the things you enjoy the most. Your thoughts will be consumed by those items and images. It will determine how you need to invest your time and effort. You can tell a lot about what you value by observing the results of your actions and the examples you set. What, or who, is holding your attention? Speculate and pick carefully. You have let them to have considerable sway over your development.
What do you listen to?
Internal
The voice of self-interest is a resounding one. We want to take initiative, advance our own goals, enjoy the assistance of others, and be the center of attention. The extent to which we let this opinion guide our actions will decide the kind of lives we lead. Do we prioritize ourselves above others? Contradict that voice. The less food we put in it, the less noise it makes. Put it to rest by helping other people.
External
We hear the voices of the world around us through our interactions, experiences, and cultures. When we allow ourselves to believe falsehoods, they have the potential to make us feel anxious and inadequate. We must eliminate false and damaging narratives and replace them with honest ones.
Experiences
They can be harmful, causing us great pain, or beneficial, boosting our confidence. It might be anything from being bullied to earning compliments to succeeding or failing in business. The world around us sends us signals from an early age about who we are and how valuable we are. Determine which claims are true and which are false. That’s the first step toward knowing your own feelings.
Culture
Ideas about who we are might be sparked by anything from a song to a news report to a painting. What do you usually take in each day? Your inner self is heavily influenced by the pictures and concepts that catch your mind.
Relationships
Intimate partners, family, and neighbors… Perhaps you lacked fatherly affirmation or got caught up in the trap of constant peer comparison. What have the people around you been trying to tell you? Is it a positive influence? Once more, separate reality from fiction. Don’t let anything fictional affect you deeply.
In terms of music, what do you gravitate toward? Ensure that these are the proper items. Eventually, what is most real about us will come to the surface for everybody to see.
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