Aarti
If we’re really lucky, our best friend will find love with someone we admire. Sometimes the opposite is true, and we absolutely despise their new boo.
Since you can’t always control who your pals hang out with, there’s always a chance they’ll end up with someone you wouldn’t have picked for them. Even among the closest of friends, we may have distinct lists of ideal personality attributes than those held by our closest confidantes.
Being forced to spend time with someone you don’t like is never fun, whether your friend’s spouse is brand new or has been in the picture for a while. If you’re worried about the way your friend’s spouse is treating them, it can make an already stressful situation much more difficult to handle.
Figure Out the Real Reason You Don’t Like Them
The first step is to figure out why you don’t like your friend’s significant other. That’s because knowing these things helps you respond appropriately.
According to sex therapist Kaylee Rose Friedman, “people get into romantic relationships for all kinds of reasons, and it’s common that a friend might end up with a partner you just don’t vibe with.”
Personality Flaws
Whether or not you dislike your friend’s partner depends on a number of factors. It’s not really their fault if you despise them because of how much time they spend with your friend and how much that has cut into the hang time you and your friend used to share.
:max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/GettyImages-685010477-372c2a2f719c491b8be1e40ee8d49ff0.jpg)
It’s also not a huge problem if you simply don’t like them and wouldn’t have picked them as a buddy. Friedman advises getting to the bottom of your feelings towards your friend’s significant other before deciding how to proceed.
Toxic Behavior
If you’re having trouble figuring out how you feel about a friend’s relationship with a specific person, Friedman suggests asking yourself, “Are you yourself uncomfortable around this person, or are you genuinely concerned about your friend’s wellbeing?” “Knowing what is triggering you is paramount,” she says. Spend some time writing down how you feel about your friend’s significant other; doing so can help you gain perspective on how you’re feeling.
It’s possible that your friend won’t want to hear your worries about her romance. Before jumping in, Friedman suggests checking to see whether your friend even wants to talk about it. Instead of placing blame or trying to influence your friend’s decisions, she advises taking responsibility for your emotions before opening up to them.
She suggests you approach your friend and ask if it’s okay to share your thoughts about their relationship with them. And she insists that you should take their refusal seriously if they offer it.
Do You Want to Like Them?
The second thing you should consider is how eager you are to take action. If you care about your friendship and would like to keep it going no matter who your friend is with, you should consider whether or not you can establish a rapport with your friend.
If You Want to Try
If your hatred for your buddy’s spouse stems primarily from the fact that you don’t get along with them or find them bothersome rather than any actual mistreatment of your friend, you can opt to give them another chance. It’s likely that you don’t want this individual to be the reason you and your friend fall out. Try asking yourself if you can change your opinion and end up like them.
ALSO READ: How to Tell Someone You Have Feelings for Them
Even if you have doubts about the relationship, say because of the way they avoided fully committing to your buddy at first or the way they chew their food too noisily, it could be beneficial to reach out to them anyway. The key, according to Friedman: “Invest in really getting to know the person.”
If There is No Way You Can Deal
There are instances when we just can’t get along with someone. It’s possible that this describes the partner of your best buddy. If there are no signs of abuse and you’ve made numerous attempts to bond with this person without success, it’s possible you’ll need to reevaluate your friendship in light of your changed feelings. The good news is that this disagreement does not have to spell the end of your friendship.
You can still be friends with your friend even if you don’t like their partner, according to Friedman. As she puts it, “it will take a lot of honesty, strong boundaries, and healthy communication between you and your friend to navigate the situation gracefully.”
You are showing your friend that you are willing to be uncomfortable rather than abandon the friendship by being open and honest about how you feel and by working together to find a way forward.
