Aarti
Dealing with a breakup is extremely difficult, regardless of whether you are ending a short-term romance or a long-term commitment. No matter how appropriate the decision to separate ways, you may come to genuinely miss the other and experience a tumult of conflicting emotions.
Going “no contact” with someone you spent a lot of time with might be tough, but many relationship experts say it’s the best way to heal your heart, keep things simple, and move on. Find out what “no contact” is, why it’s beneficial, and how to squelch the want to reconnect with your ex-partner in the following sections.
What Is the “No Contact” Rule?
The “no contact” rule, as the name implies, requires you to stop communicating with your ex after the breakup. That means no calls, texts, DMs, or “likes” on social media, as well as no in-person get-togethers. There are many who would go so far as to say it’s illegal to even read their social media posts.
Leanna Stockard, LMFT of LifeStance Health, adds, “In addition to no direct contact with your former partner, it also means not following up with mutual friends to gather any form of information about their lives.”
The Benefits of Going “No Contact”
Breakups are unpleasant and traumatic for everyone, regardless of how long they lasted or how amicably they ended.
According to Dr. Ernesto Lira de la Rosa, “it is normal to feel upset, sad, anxious, hopeless, helpless, and confused after a breakup.” It’s possible that you’ll spend some time thinking about the relationship and the split.
You can give yourself more time to grieve and move on from the relationship’s end by observing a “no contact” period. In the end, it can help you heal emotionally, realise the relationship is finished, and move on to new dating opportunities.
How To Resist the Temptation of Breaking No Contact
Even if you no longer feel the same way about your ex as you once did (there was probably a good cause for the breakup), it isn’t going to be simple to completely cut off all contact. It’s natural to feel lonely and empty as you come to terms with the end of your relationship, and it’s also natural to want to fill that void by reconnecting with your ex.
Spend Time With Friends:
Get Out and Socialise: “Talk with close friends and loved ones to see if they can hold space for you to talk about how you are feeling when you feel tempted to reach out to your ex,” Dr. Lira de la Rosa suggests. In spite of life’s challenges, the American Psychological Association (APA) asserts that maintaining social connections is an important means of stress management and happiness maintenance.1
Keep Your Phone Out of Reach:
Don’t be tempted to grab for your phone in your bored state and accidentally contact an ex or check up on them on social media. Avoid reaching for your phone during these times of boredom.
Figure Out the Source of Your Temptation:
The first step in overcoming temptation is identifying its origin: “Ask yourself where these urges are coming from and what you hope to gain from re-establishing that contact,” Stockard advises. It’s possible you won’t even discover a good excuse. Take some time for yourself and recognise the difficulties of resisting the temptation if the answers to those questions still lead you towards the want to restore communication.
Is It OK To Re-Establish Contact Later?
There is no set amount of time that must pass before getting in touch with an ex again; every breakup is unique. It’s possible you’ll come to the conclusion that rekindling communications is unnecessary. Dr. Lira de la Rosa recommends aiming for three to six months if you need a certain time limit. Journal of Positive Psychology study from 2007 also revealed that improvement in mood began around the three-month point.2
‘Do I still have feelings for them?’ is a fair question to ask. It may be premature to approach them if the response is “yes,” Stockard says. “In those cases, we may be hoping to make contact in an effort to either reconcile with them or vindictively demonstrate how “wonderful” you are doing without them.”
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“If the relationship was abusive or toxic in any way, and the ‘no contact’ rule was established for safety reasons, I highly recommend never re-connecting with this partner,” adds Stockard. Whether it’s the individual resuming love-bombing you or blaming you for the relationship’s demise, “getting back in touch with this person can begin the cycle of abuse all over again.”
