9 Unexpected Benefits of Breaking Up In The Relationship

he last breakup I went through altered my notion of heartbreak. While I originally imagined it would always appear as an outpouring of emotions, I learnt that sadness may carry with it a detectable silence. It can be something that takes root and builds over the period of months or years. And while the experience was unfamiliar at first, it exposed me to the many prospects for growth and the benefits of breaking up.

Don’t get me wrong—the end of anything hurts. And while it’s vital to give yourself the time to feel your feelings, recuperate, and heal, a breakup can be a great opportunity to reflect, establish a deeper connection with yourself, and ultimately improve your life.

Here’s what I’ve learnt through being through the relationship ringer and ending up on the other side of heartbreak. I’ll start with a spoiler: though breakups have tested what I imagined I was capable of going (and developing) through, they’ve showed me that I have more resilience and more strength than I once thought was possible. Today, I’m revealing some of the surprising benefits of splitting up, and how it can help you arrive at a place with more love, kindness, and empathy in your heart for others—and for yourself as well.

9 Unexpected Benefits of Breaking Up

1. You’ll Learn That Grief Can Manifest In Different Ways

Over the previous few years, I’ve grown accustomed with the concept of loss. I’ve learnt that while death is likely one of the most visible examples, any absence can call out the tough emotion of grieving. I remember during quarantine when intimate contacts with loved ones were replaced with the omnipresent (and exhausting) usage of devices. And even the delight I had felt on my weekly grocery shopping trips was changed out for anxiety and the fear of getting sick.

Of course, while the experience is distinct, similar emotions can be regularly encountered following a breakup. The conclusion of every connection indicates a loss. It isn’t only the admission that someone won’t be in your life in the capacity they once were, but you’re saying goodbye to what your life looked like with them in it. Your schedule will shift and your rituals may change, and there’s a certain grief that comes with it.

However, I realized that by experiencing this sadness personally, my eyes and my heart were more open to the loss individuals were facing all around me. Suddenly, I had more empathy and felt more sensitive to others’ concerns. Friends and relatives were more ready to share their memories, and very quickly, I felt less alone. I can’t articulate the profundity of the connection, but in a manner, the humanity it allowed me to experience exposed me to a new sense of thankfulness.

2. You Can Reinvest In Yourself

To be clear, just because you’re in a romantic connection with someone doesn’t imply you can’t take care of your own needs or meet your wants. However, by definition, going into this level of commitment with another person requires that a certain percentage of your headspace is aimed their way. Of course, this isn’t a negative thing—it’s lovely to be able to care for and offer love to someone else.

But I’ve discovered that one of the perks of splitting up is being able to double down on my self-care rituals and personal growth habits. In the weeks following my split, once I felt able to, I revisited the titles on my to-read list and got moving on the to-dos I’d been putting off. It was a reminder that though individuals may come and go from my life, I will always have me—and that’s a relationship I aim to treasure forever.

3. You Can Pour Into Other Relationships

Speaking of committing your time elsewhere, the loss of a romantic relationship might clear your schedule for friend and family time. When you feel ready or are craving a little socialization, phone up your closet gal pals or schedule a date to get to know a coworker better. You can even schedule weekly or monthly calls with your siblings so you’re not playing the endless catch-up game that I’m quite guilty of myself.

The truth is, while we don’t need a million people in our lives (the dissatisfying pursuit of social media stardom confirms it), we do need different people to engage different aspects of ourselves. And as someone who appreciates the depth of a conversation or connection more than the amount of contacts on my phone, I make sure to pour into my friendships and interactions with my family each day.

4. You Can Apply What You’ve Learned To Future Relationships

To be honest, I’m not a fan of the attempted consolation “they weren’t right for you anyways.” However, I do adore the very genuine notion that we are continually evolving and amassing new information. From any event, we learn new ways of presenting up that are more in accordance with our inner truths. Everything we do, every perceived error or defect, is an opportunity to learn.

Even now, in a relatively recent relationship, I found myself silently praising his ex-girlfriend when I learnt that she was the reason he loves going on walks. I can reflect on my own journey as well and be thankful for the ways prior partners have helped me understand more about myself—what I enjoy about my life and the people I want to allow in. I’m a better communicator, listener, partner, and person because of what I’ve been taught throughout the years. And if suffering may be a part of that, there’s a knowing feeling of thankfulness woven throughout the rougher periods as well.

5. You May Find A Renewed Sense Of Energy

Again, this can come after the pints of Ben & Jerry’s have been drank and every Bridget Jones movie has been viewed. While it might not materialize in the espresso-like burst of adrenaline that many a rom-com heroine feels when they’re ready to get their groove back, there can frequently be a revival of creativity, motivation, and passion after facing such a huge life upheaval.

What are ways you can channel your sentiments or any insights you’ve thought on after the breakup? My original tendency has been to write it out—through poetry and journaling. However, you could want to dance, paint, build a vision board or do something creative that resonates. The intensity of your emotions can lead to a renewing spark that might very well be the remedy to any creative barrier. Who knows—you might discover a new passion or perhaps feel motivated to change your professional path in the process.

7. You Can Practice Asking For Help

This has been a BIG one for me through the years. For women especially, because we’ve been conditioned to do everything all by ourselves (with a grin!), the concept of asking for help has always felt like a moral failing. Why couldn’t I do it all alone? What was wrong with me that meant I had to beg others for support? Newsflash: Nothing is wrong with you and we *need* others to function.

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Especially during a breakup, it might be tempting to self-isolate and assume that no one wants to spend time with you while you mope. But I’ve realized that being vulnerable lets me experience a great sense of belonging and connection. Truly: there’s nothing more consoling than having your best buddy embrace you while you weep.

8. You Can Do A Life Edit

With broad, seemingly infinite space to contemplate and re-evaluate, you have the capacity to execute a life edit. Not sure what that is? I was first introduced to the idea via one of my favorite podcasts, Almost 30. Essentially, a life edit is the process of taking conscious actions toward achieving the life of your dreams. It’s taking action and arranging all parts of your life so that you’re living in harmony with your ideals. There’s no time like the present (after a breakup), to construct a life that’s authentic to you.