Aarti
My mid-30s career as a financial counselor coincided with a profound realization I made. I was deep in concentration on my work when my manager strolled in. I felt uneasy being in his presence and wished I could sneak by unobserved. At that moment, I realized that was how I always responded to bosses. Why am I hiding, I asked myself.
I performed some serious introspection and realized that I didn’t have the maturity or the knowledge to act like a man my age. I was in my 30s, but I felt like a child, and I was terrified that my superiors would find out. Because of that worry, I never felt safe enough to be myself. Instead, I would put on a front and act the way I believed they expected me to. Those who didn’t have this problem always had a level of admiration for me that I could never attain.
Finding His Identity
Unfortunately, our society tells our children they have to conform to a certain mold in order to be considered “successful” or simply “acceptable.” When people have this belief, they tend to act in a way that will win their approval. That is, they don’t let others see the real them. If they have been rejected by an authority or their peers, they will hide it even further. Our young men must have a firm grasp on their unique identities. Our sons will never grow up unless they can accept and embrace who they truly are. Developing a boy’s masculinity entails helping him express his true character. Rather than being created, a man appears. We coax him out by loving him unconditionally, listening to him, praising him, and coaching him gently.
Discovering His Belonging
Although being independent is often hoisted up as a virtue, we were never designed to live that way. The bonds of love and community are what we were always supposed to share with one another. It plays a significant role in helping us grow up. If our sons don’t know they belong here, they’ll never feel like they measure up. They will constantly worry that everyone else is one step ahead of them. As a result, they will be unable to fully develop emotionally.
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A father’s influence on his son’s sense of self-worth is substantial. The guys need to see and hear from us. Just by paying close attention to him, you can see that he is worthy of respect. Reassure him that his worth lies in his inherent qualities, not in the results of his efforts.
Developing His Voice
Walt Whitman writes in “O Me! O Life!”, “That the powerful play goes on, and you may contribute a verse.” Each of our sons possesses unique skills. They have insight from their own life to share, a tale to tell. They bring significant value to the planet. Man stands up and offers his verse as child cowers in parent’s arms (or in front of computer screen). Encourage him to try new things in order to help him discover his talents. Allow him some room to try and some room to fail. Leave him enough room to develop his style. Don’t mold it for him or dismiss it too quickly. You should rather affirm it.
Embracing His Responsibilities
One of the most crucial components of being a man is taking responsibilities. Real men consider the repercussions of their behavior on those around them and respond accordingly. Likewise, it is our duty to look out for the ones we cherish. As I said before, we have a duty to share the gifts of our boys’ talents and knowledge in order to strengthen the communities in which they live.
Having a Ceremony
I believe this is something our culture has missed while developing boys into masculinity. Although such cultures still exist, their numbers are dwindling. Hold some sort of event to mark the transition from boy to man in his life. There are proms and commencements to attend. This is just as crucial. This is a blessing ceremony, for example.
