Aarti
My then-six-year-old kid was out at the playground late one night. I had been texting my wife back and forth for a while before I looked up and saw him. He was nowhere to be found. I was thirsty from looking for him, so I poured myself a glass of water before continuing my search. My young boy had climbed to the top of the playground equipment.
He wasn’t playing inside the tubes; rather, he’d climbed up the exterior of the tubes and was almost at the play area ceiling. I almost choked on my drink when I saw him. It was tempting for me to rush in and tell him to stop. In an instant, however, my feelings shifted, and I also felt proud of him. I admired his courage and bravery for putting himself in potentially dangerous situations. Finding a happy medium between recklessness and commendable aspiration can be challenging at times.
Need for Physical Activity
Ten or fifteen years ago, I would have loved this, but now that I’m older, it’s becoming very taxing. Wrestling, making up battles, playing sports, jumping on a trampoline, climbing, trekking, etc. are all great ways to bond with our sons, but they may be exhausting. They don’t want to just do it, they want to do it with us, their dads. The pain we endure in order to bond with our boys paves the way to their very souls.
Letting Them Be Wild
When it comes to my life, I prefer predictability and order, but boys should be crazy. Being free and untamed is untidy and dangerous. A father is the best person to satisfy a boy’s thirst for excitement. Activities having an element of risk (such as rock climbing, zip lining, roller coasters, ropes courses, hiking, mountain biking, etc.) should be encouraged. The trade-off is that they’ll be exposed to actual risks under our watchful eye. Certainly not a mortal threat, but nonetheless a degree of danger. Even if it makes us nervous, we have to let them go out on their own. This is the catch 22. How much angst can we endure and how far can we let them go before yanking back the reigns? Each father must learn to establish appropriate limits for his family. I try to imagine the worst that could happen to me and plan accordingly. If there are only fractured bones, it’s okay.
The Drive to Succeed
The majority of guys yearn to complete a mission or a test of their mettle. They hope to act heroically and experience the life of a hero. Having this kind of motivation is admirable, but it can lead to an unhealthy preoccupation with one’s own success or failure. We need to assist them in developing their skills. Then it’s our duty to uplift them and help them find their true calling. But we must make sure kids understand that their worth is not dependent on their achievements.
The Hyper-Sexualized Culture
Our children are growing up in a time when visuals are more important than words for education. Our sons have been exposed to visuals of our planet ever since they were born. If every image they see tells them that women exist solely for sexual activity,
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it’s no wonder they have such a negative impression of females. Too many young women today post photos of themselves on social networking sites dressed provocatively because they have learnt that this is the best way to get noticed. It makes it harder to educate boys right from wrong because it promotes in them a skewed perspective of women.
Making an Emotional Connection
It’s more challenging for boys to tune into their emotions than it is for girls. Having an emotional reaction is seen as a sign of weakness, which is not helpful. The worst possible thing to say about a boy is that he is weak. Most boys learn to hide their feelings,
and others go so far as to cut themselves off emotionally. It’s getting harder to connect with him and help him flourish. Both emotional regulation and emotional awareness are important life skills for our sons. They need to realize there is nothing weak about their emotional response to people and circumstances. Intimacy in relationships is fostered when people open up about their feelings. They merely need to be shown the appropriate and inappropriate times to express their feelings. Despite its difficulty, this is the key to setting them free.
